Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
