I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
