I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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