Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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