Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
