so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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