If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Mom said you looked used
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
