no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
