Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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