oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I party with great urgency now.
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