my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
