So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
