Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
