Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
