Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
