I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
