Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
