I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
