The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
