Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Randomize
