okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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