if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just pynch a tree in the face
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
