yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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