hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
