Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My bed smells like the plague
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
