i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
