I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's blow job season.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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