I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
