Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
