FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
