I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
