I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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