I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
you had me at cake vodka
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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