I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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