So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
