im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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