Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
