The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
