i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
