I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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