Jerry, you need to find god
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
