if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
