If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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