This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Dick very happy bro
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
