I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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