CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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