I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
