first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
