So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
