I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
